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It is 23 pages so you may just wanna skip around. Keep in mind, I am 12 years old, and it is written for kids my age. Rate it on a scale from 0 (awful) and 10 (amazing!!). Don't hold back.





Chapter 1





This is a story about me. My name is Mackenzie, and I’m thirteen years old. I look pretty ordinary. I have blonde hair and icy blue eyes. Each eye has a light grey ring around its pupil. I live with my grandma, who is sixty-eight years old. Despite her age, she is in very good shape, and I know she’s going to live for a long time. My mom’s grandma had just died, and they went all the way to Washington to bury her. They are going to be gone a while.


Today was finally Friday. I just woke up and I already couldn’t wait until the end of the day. Most people wake up saying “It’s a brand new day!” I wake up and say “Is it morning already?” Some things about me are not compatible. Here’s one thing: I hate mornings, but I can’t sleep in. To me it’s just impossible! I wake up at 7 or 8a.m. and I can’t ever get back to sleep.


I pulled myself out of bed and began to get ready. I ran a brush through my hair, and it fell down on my shoulders like silk. I smiled at myself. Good hair day. I kicked off my pajama pants, and pulled on my jeans. I took off my blue shirt, the one with a big snowflake on it, and then changed my shirt several times until I had just the right one. I slipped on each tennis shoe then, realizing I had my left foot in my right shoe and vise-versa, I kicked then off and put each of my feet in its proper shoe. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked better than usual, yet the same. I guess Fridays make everything look better. I ran down the stairs, and fell down most of them.


“Bye grandma!” I nearly screamed it at her as I tried to catch the bus. I put a piece of bacon in my mouth and ripped a pancake in half. I folded the pancake and put it in my mouth and swallowed. I grabbed my books and ran out the door just as the bus pulled up. I let out a sigh of relief as I stepped onto the bus. I looked toward the third row where Sydney always sat waiting for me.


“Mackenzie! Over here! Over here!” I walked over and sat next to her.


“Look at my feet!” I looked there a moment. She didn’t wait for me to answer, and I was glad she didn’t because I had no idea what she was talking about.


“I got new shoes!” She squealed in my ear. I looked again. They were different shoes, but they were far from new. The material was faded, and the little plastic jewels were falling off. The laces were a dingy brown and they were worn thin, and looked as if they would snap any second. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so I replied,


“That’s really neat, Sydney!” I tried to sound excited. My voice came out in a fake tone, almost like a commercial, but Sydney was too excited to notice. She pointed her toes and kicked them back and forth excitedly. The bus finally came to a stop that jerked us all forward. Sydney was first off the bus. She walked slowly to class, looking at her feet all the while. I had to occasionally move her out of the way of other students and grumpy teachers and parents who mumbled curse words under their breath if little ten-year-old Sydney accidentally ran into them. We walked up the stairs, and Sydney tripped on every one. Sydney is like my sister, but not by blood.


“Aren’t they great?” She asked as if it wasn’t a question, and she believed with all her heart I would say yes. Sydney’s family is poor. That’s why her shoes aren’t new, but she is always excited to have something that is new to her. She doesn’t get many things because of their financial problems. I told her good bye as we came to her classroom.


“Meet me by the bench under the oak tree.” I told her.


“The bench on the playground?” She asked. I nodded my head up and down. You see, every Friday Sydney comes over to my house after school. We never have to ask her mom, because we know her mom doesn’t mind. To tell you the sad truth, I don’t even think she cares about Sydney or her brothers. I’ve never said anything about it to Sydney, but I know she knows it. Sometimes I wonder how she can be happy. I waved one last goodbye to her, than turned to go so I wouldn’t be late for class. Friday seems to be the longest day of the week! But finally, the bell rang for dismissal. I found Sydney just where I had told her to go and she waited impatiently.


“Kenzie!” She screamed across the field. Sometimes when Sydney gets excited, she calls me Kenzie. It’s like she’s so excited she can’t even get the first part of my name out in time to say my full name. I took her hand and she nearly pulled my arm out of socket as we skipped to the bus.


“What do you want to do today?” She asked me.


“Well, yesterday, I saw this show about extreme makeovers and…”


“Can we do one of those?” she interrupted. I had been getting there, but I let her think it was her idea.


“Sure. I’ll do you, ok?” Sydney jerked her head up and down, and I thought she’d nod it right off her shoulders.


“Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.” Sydney said to all the houses that weren’t mine.


“Nope. Nope. Nope. There! There! I see it!” Sydney got up as soon as the bus stopped. She ran to the front of the bus, and jumped all the stairs. I reached into my pocket and fumbled with the house key. Sydney bit her bottom lip excitedly. She had been over a billion times, but to her it was still a treat. I finally got the key out, and unlocked the door. Sydney looked around as if she’d never been here. We walked to the kitchen first to rinse her hair in the big sink. It was shiny clean because I had told my grandma my plans with Sydney. She leaned back, and I sprayed her hair with warm water from the sprayer by the sink. Our laughter filled the kitchen. When her hair had been washed with my special conditioner, I wrapped her hair in a towel, and we headed to my room. I took the towel off and her head, and her hair laid on top off her head in a big knot.


“I think we’re done.” I joked, and she laughed. I sat criss-crossed behind her on the bed, and ran a comb through her hair. The comb ran through easily. I parted her hair straight down the middle. It was perfectly straight. I could never seem to do that with my hair. I ran my fingers through her hair. It was a rich chocolate color that made her green eyes all the more brighter. Sydney shivered. Her clothes were wet. I walked into my closet and pulled out a box on the top shelf. It was a box of clothes that didn’t fit, but I refused to give up. I picked up a beautiful dress. It was a soft shade of pink. I pulled it out. Sydney’s eyes widened.


“Wow!” And ‘wow’ it was. It was gorgeous! It had thin straps, and the skirt of the dress spread out all around you if you spun around. We blow dried Sydney’s hair so the dress wouldn’t get wet. I curled it, and put a small pink flower behind her ear to match the dress. She slipped the dress on, and some pink ballet slippers that I had had since I was about seven, but they fit her little feet. I stood back to examine my results. She was beautiful! She looked like a princess right out of a storybook. We finally finished at 7:00. Even though it was early, all the excitement wiped us both out. We turned a movie on. About thirty minutes into the movie the silence was getting on my nerves.


“So how’s school?” I asked. No answer. I looked down at the sleeping figure on the floor. I picked her up. I felt her ribs through her dress. Poor Sydney. She’s been through so much, and she came out with nothing. I laid her on the bed. She looked like sleeping beauty. I kissed her on her forehead. I got in bed behind her, and pulled the blanket up to our chins. Sydney rubbed her cheek against the soft material. I did too. I sat there and looked up ay my ceiling. Great, more silence. I finally fell into a peaceful slumber.


When I finally awoke, Sydney was not there. I sat up and looked around. I saw Sydney sitting by the window, with the sun shining on her face. The tune on the DVD’s menu played again and again. I turned it off, and Sydney jerked her head around. The sun shined all around her, and she looked like an angel from heaven. She smiled. Sydney had a smile that lit up the night sky. It was breath taking. Her teeth were white, and all straight in a row. She did not have two huge front teeth like the other kids in her class.


“What do you wanna do today?” she asked me. I knew what she wanted to do. So we went downstairs to watch Saturday cartoons. Sydney doesn’t have cartoons because she doesn’t have a TV. She laughed at everything. I’m not sure most the things she laughed at were even supposed to funny. After the cartoons were over, she begged to watch the re-runs, and I couldn’t bring myself to say no. Finally they ended. Sydney walked outside to the trampoline. My heart dropped. I decided to go first. I just ran around in circles.


Sydney and I are complete opposites. She loves life and lives it to the fullest, and I am scared of it and always have been. On rainy days, I avoid all puddles because I always suspect they are deeper than they appear. Sydney jumps and splashes in every single one.


Before I knew it, it was Sydney’s turn. She stood at one end and began to jump, higher and higher and did a back flip. She landed on her knees sending her into a front flip. After she was done I noticed I had my hand over my mouth in nervousness. I hated watching her flip around like a rag doll that could fall apart at any moment. She flipped backwards again. It took me a while to realize I wasn’t breathing. I let out a breath. She climbed off the trampoline. I looked at her. Her eyes were hollow, and she was pale all over. The skin underneath her nails was purple. I could see her heart thumping hard through her dress. I saw her rib cage grow and shrink with every breath. I swallowed hard as poor Sydney gasped for air.


“I’m bored of this. Let’s go inside.” I lied. I did like jumping, but I was scared for her. She had something wrong with her heart. I don’t know much about it, all I know is it didn’t function properly. I asked her about it once, and she simply replied,


“What do you mean? There’s nothing wrong?” But I could tell she knew exactly what I was talking about. I took her hand. It was freezing, colder than ice. We made our way back up to my room. Each step was laborious for Sydney, but I didn’t help her. She was a very stubborn, strong minded, independent girl. She took a step and collapsed into my arms. She rested there, in my arms, for a few moments, and then made the next step. I felt so helpless. When we made it back to my room, she lay on my bed and her eyelids fell heavily over her eyes. She was falling asleep. Whenever Sydney gets excited, her heart beats faster than it’s supposed to, and by the time she calms down, she is exhausted. Despite all this, Sydney lives life as if her heart problem doesn’t even exist. I sometimes feel bad I have a good heart, and Sydney doesn’t. Inside, I know Sydney thinks I’m throwing that away by not living life to the fullest, and I know that it is true. I looked down at her. Her cheeks were rosy, and she was no longer pale. My fingertips outlined her jawbone. Her face was still cold. I pulled the blanket up closer around her chin. She snuggled down into its warmth. She smiled and looked up at me. Her eyes were no longer hollow holes, but were now shimmering, full of life and adventure as they always were. I walked downstairs to grab a bite to eat. I had skipped breakfast. I grabbed a cookie. A very healthy breakfast. When I came back, Sydney was asleep, and her face looked troubled. She groaned and whined in her sleep. I took her hand. She opened her eyes. They reflected the fear that Sydney felt inside, but tried so hard to hide from the world.


“Are you ok?” I asked.


“Yeah.... I’m o.k.” She replied. Her voice shook with emotion, and her facial expressions told me otherwise. Her eyes were red and puffy, and filled with tears, but she did not let them fall. The only time I had seen her cry was five years ago on the bus, the first time we met. Her father had left, and they didn’t know where. There were no reports of anyone seeing him anywhere. That’s why they had financial problems. Just then my grandma walked in.


“You ready to go home?” She asked Sydney. Sydney nodded her head, but I could tell she was somewhere else. In another place, another time, another moment. She followed us robotically in the car. The car ride was a long one, and Sydney didn’t say a word the whole way there.


‘What did she see in the dream?’ I wondered. We pulled up to a building that could hardly be called a house. Her mom was outside folding laundry. There wasn’t much. We let Sydney out of the car. Her mom looked confused. She hadn’t noticed Sydney had left in the first place. I felt bad for her. I wish we could take her away and never bring her back.


“Thank you.” Was all her mom said, and you could tell she didn’t mean it. My fists clenched and I could hear my teeth grinding. I could tell grandma was upset too. Sydney, still deep in thought, walked inside. I looked in after her. She began to help with the dishes. CRASH! A dish was shattered on the floor.


“Stupid, good for nothing, child!” Her mom screamed and raised her hand. Grandma reached out and grabbed the lady’s wrist. The lady turned and met Grandma’s gaze. The look on her face was angry, but turned to one of fear as she looked into my grandma’s eyes. I knew that look. I had received it many times, but this one seemed even worse. I stroked my hand down Grandma’s arm. I didn’t want her to do anything she’d regret. She released her hand. There was a white mark in the shape of Grandma’s hand, which turned red in a few seconds.


“If you touch that child, I swear, I’ll be back, and I’ll make sure you won’t be. And that is a promise.” My grandma said through clenched teeth. I knew she meant it too. My heart thumped.


“Get in the car.” She told me, and I obeyed immediately. Grandma walked to the car, stomping each foot with every step. She slammed the door shut. I waited until she cooled down then I asked,


“Why didn’t we take her home?” Grandma sighed.


“Honey, I wish we could have. Women like that don’t deserve kids like Sydney. But it ain’t legal.” I sighed a sigh of disappointment.


“But Honey, if I could have, believe me, I would have snatched her up and made her my own.” She smiled.


“That’s a promise.” And I believed her.








Chapter 2





I woke up the next day remembering it all as a dream, but knowing it wasn’t. Sunday was long and boring. I decided to go visit the creek outside the woods. I was surprised to find Sydney there. There was a small multitude of blankets in a pile, which I guessed to be a bed. I guessed she had walked here after the fight, and slept here as well. But then again, I guess a lot.


“Hi.” She said. But her face did not glow with the glow I knew Sydney had.


“You ok?” I asked. She did a cartwheel. I knew she wasn’t listening to me. She did several in a row. I bit my lip, trying my best not to say anything. Her face was starting to look pale already. I sat there a moment. She did it again and again until she was gasping for air, and unable to hold herself up in the cartwheel. But she continued, again and again.


“Stop that.” I told her finally.


“Why?” She asked panting. It seemed as if just saying that one word took a lot of effort. She did another.


“Stop! Your gonna hurt yourself!” She stood up, offended.


“I’m.... just…fine…thank…you!” She said. She looked like was going to pass out, but she did another.


“You’re not fine!” She stopped for a few minutes, until she caught her breath.


“Look! It’s none of your business what I do! I’m fine! There’s nothing wrong with me! I’m fine!” She screamed angrily. She started off for the forest. I tried to grab her, but she pushed me away and began to run. She disappeared into the forest. I stopped at the edge. It was the borderline between here and the forest. I ran in after her.


“Sydney! Sydney! Where are you?! Sydney!” I screamed. I saw her crouched down by a strange plant. It was beautiful. We forgot about everything. We even forgot we had been fighting.


“What is it?” I asked.


“I…I don’t know.” She said, intrigued. I took a step towards it. CRUNCH! I looked down. The forest was full of life and trees and plants, but in this particular spot, everything was dead. Nothing surrounded this plant.


“Sydney?” I asked.


“Shh!” she told me. She reached out a small finger.


“Sydney don’t!” She looked at me. A mischievous smile came over her face. She reached out her little finger and touched it. Something shot out of it. The plant withered away. I looked at Sydney. A needle penetrated through her throat. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she fell to the floor of the forest.


“Sydney!” I put her head in my lap.


“Sydney! Wake up!” Her heart began to beat and her body shook in rhythm with her thumping heart. Her nails dug into the soft earth, and her face cringed with pain, and all the veins inside her glowed. The toes on her feet curled and she locked her knees. Her mouth opened, and she foamed.


“Kenzie.” She said it so softly, I wasn’t sure if maybe I had imagined it. But there was pain hidden in her voice. Her eyes opened. She looked past me, at nothing. I could hear her heart beating. Her throat began to swell, and it squeaked when she breathed in. She was suffocating! Black began to swallow up her bright green eyes, until her whole eye was black. Her whole body shook.


“Sydney! Don’t leave me. Please stay with me. You’re my little sister, and I love you. Snap out of it. I know you can!” She growled and hissed and she jerked her head around, like she was possessed.


“Sydney? Sydney? Stay with me. I love you Sydney!” There was a loud ear-piercing scream. Sydney’s body jerked. Something like a blur left her and I saw it fly deep into the forest. The trees seemed to part as is passed. Sydney sat up, vomiting and whimpering. Her body was still shaking. The wind blew cold like that of winter. Sydney’s lips looked like scales, and she was paler than I have ever seen her before. Her lips were blue, and she was fighting to keep her eyes open.


“Don’t close your eyes!” I told her. I was afraid if she closed them, she would not open them again.


“My eyelids are so heavy. They won’t stay open.” She whispered.


“Let’s go. I don’t like this place.” She coughed. I picked her up, and carried her out of there as fast as I could. Her body flapped lifelessly in my arms. Tears were running down my face and the same thing went through my head again and again. ‘Don’t die Sydney, don’t die!’ I breathed deeply and the cold pierced my lungs like a thousand needles. ‘Don’t die!’ My throat went numb. My legs burned, but I wouldn’t stop running. So I ran, faster and faster. The woods like a maze, and I can’t find my way out. But I keep running, not thinking, not knowing, not caring. I looked left and right confused. The forest is tricking me, and I could almost hear the trees laughing at me. I ran in one direction. I couldn’t find my way out, and the forest wouldn’t let me out. Everything looks the same in every direction. I looked down at Sydney. I hardly recognized her. Her face was so pale, and her skin is almost transparent. But there was no way out. Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, with no one to help. I was cold, and Sydney felt cold in my arms. I pulled her closer. I fell to my knees. She was getting heavier and heavier and I couldn’t hold her. A lump formed in my throat. I could do nothing, and I hated myself for it.


“Sydney?” There was no answer.


“Oh, Sydney. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Her hand touched my face.


“It’s not your fault.” She whispered. She lay there a moment, and slowly sat up. Color began to return to her face. The wind was no longer blowing, and as I looked around, everything was clear, but it was a long way back. She insisted on walking. She was the stubborn young girl I knew, and I smiled. We walked for a long time, and Sydney touched everything excitedly. We stopped at the creek, the one inside the forest, to soak our feet in its warm water.


“Sydney? I know you don’t wanna tell me, but please. What did you see in your dream?” Sydney let out a sigh.


“I don’t know. It was…I mean…I think it was my dad. He was calling me. He told me to get up and go. Something or someone is calling me. Away from here, away from you. I don’t wanna go, but something inside keeps telling me to.” Sydney’s voice began to shake. I held her close, but she refused to cry. She just breathed heavily.


“Let’s go.” She told me, and walked away. We neared the spot where the mysterious plant once was, but now lay withered. As we passed, Sydney grabbed her head and screamed.


“Kenzie! My head! Kenzie help! He’s calling me again! It’s calling me! She’s calling me!” I didn’t know what to do. What did Sydney mean by ‘she’? But it was no time to think about that. She buried her face in her hands. She did not look at me. She breathed awkwardly.


“Sydney?” Pause.


“Sydney, are you ok?” She turned. Her eyes were black as night. The wind blew cold again. She laughed an evil laugh that wasn’t hers. She ran towards me, I took a few steps back and tripped. She leaned over me, breathing heavily. She drew closer, and closer, and closer until she was three inches from my face. She stopped, and stood upright. Her face turned westward. She ran with a speed that was un-human. I was scared, but I ran after her anyway. That was my sister. I ran faster and faster. I heard a noise behind me. I turned around, still running. Nothing was there. I heard it in front of me I turned. I branch hit me in the head. I fell over backwards. The world was different colors. It all began to fade into to darkness.


“Sydney! Sydney!” I couldn’t scream. My body wouldn’t do what I wanted it to. I felt like I was dying. I lay there, unconscious, unknowing of the dangers around me.





* * * * * *


I felt strange, as if waking from a dream. I rubbed my eyes, and everything was blurry. I felt a big knot on my head. My head was throbbing like crazy. I tried to sit up, but slowly laid back down. The sun was blinding my eyes. I groaned and sat up as my head flopped about. I sat there a moment out of breath. I looked around. I felt watched. I noticed I wasn’t where I thought I was. There were weeping willows instead of pines, and there was hot sand all around me. The view was amazing, not like the forest I knew.


“Where am I?” I asked myself. My voice sounded funny in the silence of the trees.


“You’re in Bethsaidia.” A deep voice told me. The voice was unfamiliar. I jerked my head around, and jumped to my feet, surprised and afraid. There was a tall man standing over me. His skin was tan and his eyes were a dark shade of brown. He had dark hair. I looked at him. He had horse ears, and a horse’s body from his waist down.


“Ahhhh!” I screamed, and it echoed. He covered my mouth with his hand, and he almost pushed me over in the process.


“Shh! They’re going to hear us! Don’t make a sound!” He told me in a stern voice. He looked around, then nodded as if he was sure all was well. He removed his hand and I didn’t dare scream.


“Who are you?” I asked finally.


“I am Custos, your guardian.” He stood up, tall and proud.


“I’m Mackenzie.” I told him, not really noticing I had said it. I was still looking at how he…formed together. Beneath his waist, the horse was white as snow.


“So, are there more of you? Like, more fantasy creatures?” I asked. He stomped a hoof and yelled angrily.


“We are not fantasy! You humans are just so closed minded. Boy, have you changed!”


“Changed?” I asked confused. He turned to me, but his eyes did not look at me. He looked as if he was visiting a memory.


“Many years ago, man and creature could speak to each other. We got along. Then man one day decided they were better than us. We separated ourselves from them. That’s why we are from other worlds. Slowly over the years, man has forgotten us. You rot your minds with junk, and you forget. We started our own world, where we could live without conflict. This is where it all happened.” He nodded his head up and down, thinking.


“Ok, and what exactly happened here?” I asked, still confused.


“The beginning of Bethsaidia. In the Garden of Alkera.” He said. A peace came over his voice.


“Alkera?” I asked.


“It’s the ancient language of the Bethsaidians. It is spoken by very few people. Alkera means separated.” He looked around. The wind blew gently against my cheek.


“Here I come.” It was quiet, as if whispered by the wind.


“What?” I asked myself.


“Is something wrong?” He asked.


“Didn’t you hear that?”


“What?” I heard it again. I looked up at him.


“Someone’s coming.” He jerked his head around as if looking.


“Where did you hear that?” He asked.


“Here. Just now. Like, five seconds ago! Why? Who’s coming?” He looked all around him.


“They know you’re here.”


“Who?” I asked frantically.


“We can’t talk here. Get on!” I watched as all four legs bent down to my level, and I awkwardly got on. He lunged forward, and I nearly fell off. I leaned against his back. His body was warm and I felt his muscles flex and relax below me. He ran very fast. The wind stung my eyes, and tears ran down my cheeks, but I didn’t dare let go to wipe them away. Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump! All four hooves sang together in rhythm to each other and the world around me. His mane tickling my cheek as his tail whipped behind us. The wind blew through my hair. A fuzzy sound was being whispered in my ears, but became clearer until I heard it crystal clear.


“I’m still coming. I’m still coming.” I clung tighter. I was so scared. It took me a while to realize we had stopped.


“Mackenzie? Are you ok?” he asked me.


“What do you mean? Nothing’s wrong.” I lied.


“You’re scared.” It took me by surprise.


“How did you know?” I asked, curiously.


“I felt it. Here in Bethsaidia, if you come in contact with someone, and the feeling is strong enough, you feel it as if it was your own.” I leaned in close to him. I felt nothing.


“Why can’t I feel your feelings?” I asked.


“You haven’t been here long enough.” He told me. I felt a strange feeling of jealousy, and I climbed off before he could sense it. I looked around. It was no longer a beautiful forest with warm sand. It was cold with snow all around. The tip of my nose was numb, and I breathed hot air into my hands to make them warmer.


“Why is it so cold?” I asked.


“It is winter here. Here in Bethsaidia, it depends on where you are. Different places have different seasons. Doesn’t it work that way on Earth?” He asked. I felt a sense of pride. I knew something he didn’t. Even if it wasn’t his fault I couldn’t help but smile.


“No. On Earth, you can’t just run somewhere. It depends on where the sun shines. It shines in different places at different times of the year. On Earth a year is 365 days.” I told him. I threw in that last part so I could sound super smart.


“Funny. Here in Bethsaidia, a year is 122 days. What a difference. That means if you were here for one year, you’d have been gone for a few days on Earth.” My eyes widened and my jaw dropped.


“How did you figure that out in you head? I can’t even figure it out on paper.” I told him.


“We here are born smart. Humans used to be, but you are now filled with all kinds of junk that has made you…. not as smart as before.” He told me. I stomped my foot. I wanted to punch him, but I couldn’t even reach his face!


“I’ll have you know I have an A-B average…and a C in math.” I said the last part quietly, hoping he wouldn’t hear, but he couldn’t say I never told him. It had only been maybe a few short minutes, and I already felt safe with him. There was a howl in the distance. It sounded far away. He made a clicking sound with his tongue and some kind of strange gargling sound in his throat. It echoed, then was answered by a howl.


“That’s how we communicate. So the others don’t know.” He told me.


“Others?” I asked.


“The evil ones. They haven’t forgiven humans for what they did in the past. They swore an oath that if there were another human, they would kill them once all is fulfilled. That’s why it is bad that they know you are here. They want to kill you.” I didn’t have to ask. I knew that’s who was whispering to me. And the whole ‘once all is fulfilled’ thing, I was positive I didn’t want to know. I climbed back on, and was happy to lay against the warmth of his fur. He walked at a slow, steady pace. I closed my eyes and just listened. The sound of his walk changed. I opened my eyes. We were on the ice. I tensed up.


“It’s ok.” He told me. I didn’t believe him. I looked across. This lake was a wide one. A loud booming sound was under us.


“Caedo.” I didn’t need to feel his feelings to know he was just as scared as me.


“Caedo means ‘it kills’ and it does.” His body shook under me. The booming continued until…crack! The ice behind us began to slit in two. Custos ran. The ice cracking at his heels as water burst through the surface. I felt him breathing. The ice broke in front of us. He stopped suddenly, and I flew off into the ice-cold water. Things like leaches dug their teeth into every part of my body, creating sores as big as quarters. They began to suck my blood, and I felt my energy drain. I could see Custos getting smaller as I sank deeper and deeper. The leach-like creatures swam away, and two huge, golden eyes looked straight at me. I looked at its eyes, intrigued. I didn’t notice the creature getting closer, and closer, or that its tentacles were going up my legs, my ribs, my arms, my neck, until it tightened its grip on my neck, and I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t struggle, and I didn’t look away. Suddenly, an arrow shot through the water, and struck it in the eye. It let out an ear-piecing scream that literally left my ears ringing. I realized I couldn’t breath. The pressure of the water was all around me, constricting me. I thrashed out violently. I let all my air out and watched it float away. Someone or something grabbed me and pulled me through the surface. I took in a deep breath of air. It stung. My lungs were full of the sea. I coughed and water gushed out. I rubbed my eyes, and pushed my hair out of my face. I looked up at my rescuer. She smiled at me. She was a mermaid. Her skin was a soft blue, and her hair was teal with lime green streaks. She had blue eyes, like my mine. Her hand was on mine. I looked at it. Her nails were long and there was a thin layer of skin between her fingers. She had seaweed wrapped around her middle to use as a shirt. She also had a tail. It had green scales all over. She had on a necklace. It was a coin with a picture engraved in it. The picture was of a young girl. The girl’s face was smudged from time.


“Hello?” I looked up. It looked like she had asked me a question.


“Sorry, what?” I asked.


“Are you all right?” She asked.


“Everything hurts.” I wined.


“I bet! You got attacked by cruors. They are blood suckers. They burrow into your skin and eat you from the inside out. There were a lot too. It’s a surprise you lived. You are a very strong girl.” She said. I couldn’t help feeling flattered. I looked at my arm. There were sores all up and down my arms. She ran her hand down her tail. There was slime all over her hand.


“Hold still.” She told me. I didn’t even want to know what she was going to do. She rubbed it all over my body. The skin began to grow over my sores, until there was no sign I had even had sores.


“Wow. How’d you do that?” I asked.


“Vigoratus.” She said, showing it to me.


“Vigoratus?” I asked.


“It can only be found in the water. Over time it gathers on things. It heals sores of all kind.”


“So, it gathers on your tail?” I asked.


“Yeah.” She said.


“Do you wanna touch it?” she asked.


“Sure.” I said. I reached over and touched it. I looked at my hand. It was all gooey. I wiped it on my jeans. I shivered. I felt an ice-cold hand on my shoulder. I turned. It was Custos.


“I…I… are you ok?” he asked.


“I’m fine. This is…” I realized I didn’t know her name.


“My name is Alga.” She said.


“My parent’s are old fashioned. It means seaweed.” From the look on her face I guessed that wasn’t a bad thing…somehow.


“We have to go.” I stood up.


“Wait.” She grabbed my hand. I knelt next to her.


“Here.” She took the necklace off her neck and put it around mine.


“Good luck.” She whispered.


“Thanks. For everything.” I told her. My hand was still in hers. She looked at my palm. She laid her hand flat against mine and closed her eyes. She sat there a moment.


“You are a very brave girl. And powerful.”


“Powerful? What power.” I asked.


“The power is inside you. You just have to dig deep. You’ll find it. You’ll find it.” I thought about it. Power? Bravery? Yeah right.


“You don’t believe me?” I didn’t look into her eyes. She laughed.


“You’ll see.” I took my hand away. I walked next to Custos. I felt small next to him.


“Look. I’m sorry. It’s just… water and I…..” He didn’t have to finish. I knew what he meant. I climbed on his back. I remembered the necklace Alga had given me. I looked at it. It was of a girl in a dress with a staff. She was standing on a cliff looking over the land. I couldn’t see her face. I figured she was a legend in Bethsaidia.


“Custos? What was Alga doing with my hand? She wasn’t feeling what I was feeling, because I don’t feel brave.” I told him.


“Mermaids are different. They’ve been around the longest. They can feel what’s deep inside you. They can feel even what you can’t.” I nodded my head, even though I still didn’t understand. I shivered, and laid against his warm back. I hope we’re going somewhere warm.








Chapter 3





Aw! The sun was coming out, and it felt good. It burned on my back. Custos finally stopped, and I climbed off. “What place is this?” I asked.


“It’s been changed over the years many times, and I’m not sure if anyone knows what it is called today. But it has always been ‘Eubak’ to me.” He smiled.


“Eubak?” I asked.


“It means ‘new life’. This is where I was born.” He looked around. I smiled. It was beautiful here. There were trees that seemed to lean over to shade you and the ocean seemed to whisper every time the tide came up. I was born in a little white room with doctors everywhere. I wish I were born here though. It seemed perfect. I took off my shoes. My socks were still wet and cold and my toes felt funny when they rubbed against each other. I shoved my socks in my shoes. I stood just where the tide came up. It washed up over my toes. I rolled my jeans up, and walked in until it was up to my ankles. It felt good. The sun was hot, and beads of sweat were beginning to run down my face. I cupped my hand into the water and poured it on my head. I let it drip down my face, cooling me off with every drop. I looked over at Custos. He stood far away from the water. I wanted to know why.


“Custos? Why don’t you like the water?” He didn’t answer. I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t have asked. But he finally began.


“It was a long time ago. My parents had to go away like the many others to war. They left my brother and I at home. Kenai, my brother, and I stood on the beach as we always did. We had no idea that the danger was coming here. A large eagle swooped down and carried my brother and me far from shore. Centaurs are not good swimmers. We are built for the land, not the sea. The eagle dropped us, and the water swallowed us up and constricted us. I found my way back to shore, and expected to find my brother already there waiting for me. I couldn’t see him. I waited. Hoping to see him, but I never did. His body washed up on shore the next day. I buried him, and fell asleep only a few yards away. But when I awoke later that night, his grave had been dug up, and I heard satisfied wolves howling happily in the distance as they ate their meal. I couldn’t sleep that night, but I must have dozed off a bit, because the next thing I knew, someone was waking me up to tell me my parents had died.”


After hearing about Kenai, I couldn’t help thinking about Rupie. I had gotten and named him when I was three, almost four. The lady we bought him from said he was very healthy, but everyone lies. Rupie had a tumor, and the doctor could not remove the whole tumor. I remember it was my eighth birthday, and my mom and dad told me this was Rupie’s last day with us. Rupie wasn’t strong enough to jump up on my bed, so he slept on the floor, and I curled up next to him. I watched him closely. He closed his eyes, and I waited. I was scared he had died, so I shook him awake. He licked my hand as if telling me everything was ok, even though it was not ok. He closed his eyes and I shook him awake. But his eyes did not open and he did not lick my hand. He just laid there, not breathing. I stroked him lightly, and tears filled my eyes.


We buried him in the backyard, and my mom handed me a small cardboard box. I opened it slowly, not really caring what was in it. But I was happy to see what was inside. It was a little silver bone with Rupie’s name engraved in it. It was off of his collar. I remember carrying it around in my pocket.


I wonder why I stopped carrying it around. I hadn’t thought about Rupie for a long time until now. I thought of the little silver bone at home in its box. I sat there on the beach and I cried for Rupie and myself and for Custos and Kenai. It was beautiful here, but I didn’t want to be here anymore.


I saw Custos hunched over where I guessed Kenai’s grave was…or where it should have been. I walked over and ran my hand down his shoulder. As soon as I touched him, I saw a vision. It was Kenai lying dead on the beach. I didn’t know how I knew it was Kenai, but there was no doubt in my mind that it was he. It was so sad, and I drew my hand away. Custos was staring down at me.


“What did you see?” He asked. I sat there speechless. There seemed to be a big ball in my throat blocking my air passage. I saw Kenai’s dead body on the beach, and it played again and again in my mind. Custos looked away. He knew what I had seen.


“Find a place to sleep. Make sure it is well protected. There’s no telling what lurks in these woods at such times.”


“Such times?” I asked. He didn’t answer, but I knew he had heard me. I found a small cliff like figure, and climbed up to explore. I found a dry, narrow tunnel that extended about six feet. I crawled inside. Rocks jabbed into my sides from all around, and it was very uncomfortable, but I was safe, and tired. I had just noticed it was fairly dark, and a thin fog was coming over the water. Thoughts zoomed in and out of my head, and one question continued to nag me. What did Custos mean by ‘such times’? And what did it have to do with me? Questions like these drove me into a sleep that showed no promise of true rest, but it was sleep non-the-less. Dreams and visions flooded my head. I was standing on my cliff, as I stood watching over the beach. Creatures with long nails and hunched backs, with teeth sharper than swords invaded the peaceful scenery. They were headed towards me. Custos jumped out, and kicked one. It let out a loud roar, and another scratched Custos across his chest. Custos hit another with his fist, and it fell to the soft sand, but got up again. A larger one bit one of Custos’ legs, and he fell, helpless. He kicked and fought, and I could hear Custos let out a shriek of pain. It was like an animal being killed, and it was. It was ear-piercing, and I covered my ears. The largest one jumped at him, and ripped his throat out.


“Custos!” I screamed, but he was dead. One turned and looked at me, blood dripping from his chin. He climbed up the cliff, then, mouth open wide, he jumped at my throat. Then I woke up, scared. I pulled myself out of my little cave and made my way down my cliff. Sharp rocks dug into my feet, and they bled, leaving a trail behind me. I had left my shoes, but there was no time to waste. It began to rain, making the rocks slippery. I slipped, and a rock gouged into my leg, and I fell forward and hit my head on a rock. I couldn’t stand up straight, but I had to keep going. There was fog, and rain, and I saw double. I walked dizzily, and everything was blurry, and I was confused.


“Custos! Custos!” I felt my feet hit the sand, and the sand went into my wounds. But I didn’t care. Blood was gushing down my face, and the rain couldn’t wash it away fast enough. I started to run, and I ran into something. I fell down in the sand, and laid there. I gave up. The sand around me was stained red with my blood. I couldn’t feel my leg anymore. A strong hand grabbed me, and I didn’t care who it was, but I hoped it was Custos.


“Custos?” I asked. I heard his voice, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying. He pulled me up onto his back, and I began to slip off. He caught me, and laid me sideways on my belly.


“Run. They’re coming!” I told him. I couldn’t hear his answer, but his tone was confused.


“Run. We’re not safe. They’re going to kill us. They know we’re here.” I instantly felt him go into a gallop. I didn’t know if I should have been frightened or not. But I felt the world fading out as it had done before when I had seen Sydney in the woods. Sydney! Oh my gosh! Where’s Sydney? Is she ok? Is she here too?


“Sydney! Custos where’s Syd…Where’s S… Where’s….” The world was swallowed up into a black hole, and I heard the thunder, and I heard growling in the distance. We had escaped, and I hoped I could say that much for Sydney.





* * * * * *





I opened my eyes, and the first thing I felt was pain. Pain in my head, my feet, and my leg. Custos was staring down at me. I saw his face more clearly than last night. I looked around. There was a little pool that was hot and steamy, at the surface. I wanted to dive in and soak it all up, but my body won’t cooperate. I’m laying in soft grass, and the thin blades cling to me. They tickle everything that moves. There are vines twisting their way up tree trunks, and purple blossoms are spread out among them. I look to my right, at the little pool, and my whole body aches for it. I look at my leg, but I have to look away instantly. There is dry blood caked on my leg, and the sore is deep. I turn my head away, and I see Custos, still staring over me. I realize he is talking to me.


“You hit your head really hard last night, and you saved both of us.” He said.


“How did you do it?”


“I dreamed it. It was like a vision, like I saw the future or something.” I said, questioning it myself.


“Alga was right. You are very powerful. That is a very hard skill to master. I myself have not.” I began to think about last night. Then the same question popped in my head.


“Custos, where’s Sydney?” I asked.


“Who?” He looked confused.


“Sydney?” He still looked at me like I was crazy.


“Custos, did anyone else enter Bethsaidia with me?” I asked. He looked away.


“No.” He said.


“Custos, you aren’t the best liar. Now yes or no?” I didn’t really know if he was lying, but there was something about his answer.


“What?” he asked, stalling. I was getting mad now and I could feel the angry words coming up my throat, but I swallowed them. I didn’t want to ruin my friendship with the only person I knew.


“Custos? I need to know. When I came into the world, was I the only one?” I said, restraining myself. He sat there.


“Was there anyone else?” I paused. “Custos. Tell me!”


“Yes! Yes! Alright!” I didn’t know whether to be happy she was here or not. On one hand, I wasn’t alone, and I knew she was here with me. On the other hand, she’s not exactly with me. Not sitting next to me anyway.


“Is she alright?” He sat there, silent. Anger rushed over me, and this time I didn’t hold back.


“Tell me! That’s my little sister out there! If you don’t help me, I’ll go out myself! I thought you were here to help me! If this is what you meant by “help” I could do that myself! Go away!” I didn’t really mean any of that stuff. I was just so mad he wouldn’t tell me where Sydney was. I didn’t want him to leave. He hung his head, thinking.


“Custos, please tell me.” He wouldn’t speak for a moment.


“She’s in the forbidden land.” He said finally.


“How do we get there? Is she ok?” I asked frantically. Any place called the forbidden land was not exactly where I wanted my sister.


“This is why I didn’t want to tell you. We can’t go there. It’s forbidden! Hence the name! Forbidden land. It’s self-explanatory.”


“Show me!”


“No!”


“Show me!”


“No!”


I reached out and touched him, hoping to see another vision. I had done it once; I could do it again, right? I did. My vision led me across Bethsaidia. To the end of the world, literally. The land was flat, and at the edge there was a waterfall of fire. Just at the tip was castle. My vision pulled me inside. There was Sydney. Her eyes black, and her fangs were sharp. Two of the creatures I had seen on the beach were by her. They bowed before Sydney, and I could tell they were afraid of her.


“Find her!” She hissed. After they left, she looked right at me.


“I’m coming.” She said, and laughed. She sent a blast of magic, sending me out of the vision, and tumbling backwards into the sand. I let out a scream of pain, and pulled my leg out from under me.


“Don’t do that! Every time you see her, she can see you! She can find you, and she will!”


“What’s wrong with her!? Why would she want to kill me?”


“Remember when I told you the evil ones wanted to kill the humans?” I nodded. “Your sister is possessed by Veldin. She was, and is their leader. That was the battle that was fought when my parents…” he trailed off. I nodded so he didn’t have to continue. “There was a human. No one remembers his name. But he defeated her. She did not die, however. Her spirit was alive, but she needed a body. A prey. The hero’s brother is one of the six who went to find her spirit, but it was trapped in the human world, and they could not get to it. It has never been disturbed, until now. There is a prophesy that history will repeat itself, but this time, the evil Queen, Veldin, and her prey will both die by the sword of the hero, and her spirit can never be summoned again.”


“But, I’ve been in the woods a billion times… at least I’ve looked in there. How come it just appeared now?”


“It appeared to Sydney because she’s the prey. You are the hero.” He said.


“But…that means. I have to kill the prey?”


“Yes.”


“And Sydney’s the prey?”


“Yes.”


“No! I’m not going to do it! I can’t kill her! No one on Earth or Bethsaidia could ever make me do it.”


“Aw! But you will. Bethsaidia has a way of making you forget. And slowly, you will grasp the concept, and go along with it.”

Do you like my story?
It is time to get your story published! I can't believe you are


a teenager writing that good. You have a strong concept of


words and use them nicely. Yes there are a few grammer


mistakes, but they can be cleaned up in no time.


Bravo!
Reply:it was very gooooooooood a 8 because of the sad ending. Report It

Reply:I give this a 10!!! I am 14 and love writing but i am no where near as good as you are it was awesome. you should definitely get this revised and edited and then published. Report It

Reply:that was an extremely detailed story you are very very very very good i couldnt stop reading it if you dont get this published you would be a fool your use of words is great 10/10 brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:9.6
Reply:9, veeeery good, but there were a FEW grammar mistakes, and spelling mistakes, but that can be fixed easily


:]
Reply:8.5/10


That is brilliant writing for your age. The only reasons I didn't give you 10/10, are very minor. If you wouldn't mind, I'd love to show you my reasons, and share a few pointers so that you can improve still further:





1. In the beginning, it seems as if you're trying to fit all of this information into a space where it won't fit. It seems a bit jumbled. If, for example, you described your character's looks by having her glance in a mirror, or see a reflection in a window, it would fit in better. 'Show, Don't Tell' is the most famous advice for writers.





2. Once your character falls into Bethsaidia, there seems to bit a bit too much danger in it, if you will. It's almost like you're trying to make it exciting by adding too much risk. If you try and smooth it out, so that it fits together, that would be great





3. Description. Again, 'Show, don't Tell'. For example, when you're describing Custos, you mention horse ears, and a horse's lower body. If you maybe mentioned your character seeing hooves, and then as she stands, she follows the horse part, until she gets to the 'human' part, then you could describe his face and such by actions. (i.e 'he looked at her with dark brown eyes...')





4. Try and cut down on 'sound words'. Instead of saying 'Crack!' when the ice shatters, actually describe the ice shattering.





5. I would also suggest adding a few flaws to your characters. Nobody's perfect, and characters with flaws add to the story, more than retract from it. In the novel I'm writing, I'm actually having trouble decreasing my characters flaws, instead of adding to their strengths.





I am thoroughly, thoroughly impressed with your writing, I must say. I hope you'll use these guidelines to help you along.


Wishing you all the best of lick in your own writing!





~Tiger
Reply:Hey!





For a 12 year old, it's excellent! i would give it an 8, because some of your sentences are too short, and sometimes you use words that you dont quite understand in your story. Make your story more fluid, like a river. You dont have to have super short sentences. Also, you dont have to dwell on every little detail such as brushing hair or eating cookies for breakfast, you know? If you want to add detail, add emotional detail, like how you felt when your Grandmother stood up for Sydney, etc. But also dont make her perfect, and like you said, an angel. She can have a few flaws too, she shoud not be perfect. Lol. And maybe dont tell us how perfect she is all the time and that your not as incredible. Give yourself some credit for something. Don't make yourself sound boring! The main character should be interesting.


Maybe ask your mom or dad to edit it?





Good Luck!
Reply:WOW!!! I love it!! But try not to start every sentence with I.


GOOD, GOOD JOB!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:7. Amazing story. Im 13 and your writing is similar to mine. Im always told the same thing though; lengthen your sentences. I think it would apply to you as well. Also, another thing that aplies to us both; to much detail.


Good story though.
Reply:wow. holy crap that's the best story I've EVER read from someone your age.. when i was 12, i had troubles writing a paragraph for school haha. i'm 14 now, and i'm somewhat better, but nothing still compared to this! keep writing, this could pay VERY well if you practice, and get someone reliable to edit it!


keep up the good work!


-stephen.
Reply:You are twelve? wOw! Gr8 imagery!! I'm jealous... by the time your in highschool you'll be writing novels.
Reply:pretty good except the grammar but you can sure write a story